letter from a fan

From now on, I’ll just be your fan. And admire you from afar, and wish you all the happiness that you deserve. I will pray for your success and support you from the sidelines. Watch you as you grow more and more talented and beautiful each day. Watch as your music becomes huge hits and soon you will have hordes of adoring fans at your feet.

I won’t try to be a part of your life anymore. I was never meant to be a part of your life. I won’t try to mean something to you, or make a huge impression on you. Because I’m just a fan, in the end, and my happiness was not meant to be intermingled with yours.

I’m just a fan, only meant to watch you without you realizing how happy I am for you.  Just a single fan, and I don’t mean much at all but I always mean well.

I’ll just love your music from now on, and not let my inconvenient feelings get in the way. 

I won’t try to be much more than I should be — just a fan. Just a customer who buys your music, who goes to your shows, who takes pictures of you and records fancams and cheers you on while standing in the crowd, blending in with everyone else, I won’t stand out.  Just trying to catch a glimpse into your life but I never can because I don’t belong there.

I’ll wish you well and wish you happiness in whatever you do.

From now on, we go our separate ways and you won’t mean more to me than you should. And you can disregard me and all the things that were too inconvenient that I said to you. I’m sorry for burdening you, trying to push my way into your life when I never had the right to be there. All I wanted to do was to mean something to you more than a fan. But I can’t force something that was not meant to be. I just wanted to feel closer to you, but I was pushing it too far because I can never be more than that, can I? I was hoping for the impossible and forcing my way into your life. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please forget all about it. 

I’m sorry.

But I hope we will go our separate ways with no hard feelings. Thank you for sharing a tiny glimpse of your life with me for a small amount of time. Thank you for showing me how such small detailed moments could be so meaningful and beautiful. Thank you for your dazzling smiles at me when you perform, thank you for making me blush at your utter ridiculousness. Thank you for making me feel special but in the end I know I can’t be that special because I’m not meant to be. But either way, Thank you.

I wish I could be a part of it, but I can’t and will not ever be, and I don’t want to ever forget those beautiful moments you shared with me, and the laughter you brought into my life, but that laughter was never mine to keep. So I’m giving it back. I hope you find even more happiness, because I can’t hold on to it anymore.

I’m sorry but I’m saying goodbye to so many things you meant to me.
Just a fan - that was all I was meant to be to you.

I’m sorry.

I will stop all this overwhelming torn feelings inside of me. No matter how sad I am, I’ll hold my head up for you because I should be feeling happy that you’re happy.  I should smile for you. I shouldn’t be sad. Because I have no right to have such inconvenient feelings. 
I’m sorry.

Please, just be happy. And know that I’m sorry. I’ll stop trying to be something I’m not.
From now on, I’m just a fan to you.

Always,
A Fan